I debated about whether to post my previous entry. It was actually written over a week ago, when emotions were obviously raw, and I haven't felt any where near as fragile since that day. But I decided to post it because it felt like I was withholding the truth. While all my loved up posts about how head over heels I am for Eloise are entirely true, I do not feel that way ALL the time.
Taking care of an infant is hard - not that I nor anyone else didn't already know that. Reading other people's blogs about the sour milk side of baby rearing has helped me, reminded me that when my child hasn't stopped feeding for the past 3 hours and 49 minutes and my nipples are aching and there's a part of me that wants to put her in her crib and walk out the front door without saying a word that I am not alone. And so I wanted to be honest. And be sure to share the bad along with the good. Because maybe a new mother will come across this site and she'll be near breaking point, exhausted and drained, emotionally and physically, and I want her to know that it's ok to feel that way.
I've obviously caused some concern in family, friends, and complete strangers, so I do want to say that I am fine. The good so exceedingly weighs out the bad that I have no doubt in my mind that Eloise and I will come out of this infancy stage all the stronger. We might have bags under our eyes and smell of poop, but our smiles will be genuine, of that I can be sure.
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Motherhood is a roller coaster of emotions, it's even worse when you have a bunch of hormones jacking things up worse. I admire your courage in posting that. When I was that way I didn't have the courage to tell anyone just how rough of a time I was having.
ReplyDeleteI think difficult posts can be some of the most poignant, especially, when you are taught to believe that motherhood is all rainbows and sunshine, and that thinking or feeling anything less means something is deeply wrong, when it's not. Life is not all rainbows and sunshine, so why on earth would the most difficult job in the world be? I appreciate every one of your posts because they are honest and real. It's important for all of us to support one another through life's trials, including motherhood. I'm sure motherhood changes your life in ways that are unimaginable to me right now, but it's good to hear that there is also a reality to motherhood; a reality that is not all glamorous. Thank you for keeping it real; you are helping so many by doing just that.
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