Make mine a Mocktail

Cocktail was on the other night and I found it difficult to watch, not because I was watching a film where the entire backbone is alcohol based and I am pregnant and mainly teetotal, but because I could never stand waiting around for a washed up australian actor and his scientology nut of an understudy to fling bottles of booze around in the air while shaking their overpaid backsides when they could just be making me my effing drink.

Birth plan

I am using HiPP Organic's downloadable Birth Plan form as a guide on how to create my birth plan that the midwife would like to see at our next meeting.

Some of my answers:
Q.Would you like your birthing partner to be with you throughout labour?
A. Yes (if he behaves)


Q.Would you like your partner to cut the umbilical cord?
A. Yes (if he hasn't passed out)

I know it doesn't come off as very maternal of me, but I chose to have my baby cleaned up before they place the kid on my deflated stomach. I figure that since I bought a nice pair of pajamas to change into, along with black silk dressing gown, the least the baby can do is get its face wiped off.

I'm still unsure about whether to get the injection after birth to help the uterus contract in order to expunge the placenta without risk of over bleeding or to just let nature takes it course. Any suggestions from mothers out there?

Rubens baby

We had a midwife appointment the other day, everything doing well, baby has a strong heartbeat, my blood pressure and iron levels are all very good. My bump is measuring slightly bigger than it should be (which might account for all the fat comments I complained about in a previous post). The midwife said it could just be extra mama padding or a big healthy baby. Now I am all for this baby being big and healthy - in theory, but when I think of this big healthy baby ripping through me I have second thoughts. But to be honest with you, I think the extra couple of centimeters on my uterus are more due to the fact I'm not sucking in for the first time in decades than me having some rubenesque spawn swimming inside.

Yeah it does.

Present from Grandma-to-be to Mama-to-be. Am I allowed to wear this when I'm no longer pregnant, just fat?

Breakfast reading

For the last month I've spent my mornings sitting at the dining room table with a cup of half-caf coffee, breakfast and the Spiritual Midwifery book that my friend the Doula lent to me. The book starts out with very hippy, granola tales of mother's birthing experiences with this farm of midwives. And while the women tend to overuse words such as "physchedlic" "heavy" and "vibrations" (overuse of these words in my opinion is using them at all of course) the stories in themselves are very reassuring and I've surprised myself at how much I'm enjoying this "far out" pregnancy book. The women's stories all tend to have a moment where they were scared and thinking there was no way they could cope with the pain, then someone tells a joke, they all laugh, she makes-out with her husband and then with a lovey rush of hearts and unicorns and magic the baby is out and everyone is in love with everyone else in the world. Hippy or not, if you are pregnant - I recommend Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin.

For the past week though I have moved on from the birthing story part of the book, to the actual instructions to midwives on how to deliver a baby (nothing like pictures of placentas and drawings of how to sew up a vagina to add that extra zing to your cornflakes). One part of the book I read this morning called Encouraging the Mother made me laugh out loud:

First-time mothers may need to know that many women have the thought that they may "explode" or "break in two" during the transition or when pushing begins. This interpretation of the sensation of cervical stretching is frightening and usually increases the mother's discomfort, since it is nearly impossible to relax if you think you are exploding.

Truer words were never spoken.

It was 30 weeks ago today...

And so we've reached the 30 week mark and can breathe a sigh of relief. The doctors had told us that due to the appendicitis there was a slightly increased chance of having a premature labour. Survival chances of a kid at 30 weeks are very good. Of course I prefer for this babe to incubate for another 10 weeks - fill out those wrinkles a bit. At least we know that if she does decide to make an early showing she should be fighting fit for this crazy world we're living in.

I get weekly updates emailed to me about my pregnancy from babycenter.com and they compare the growth of your fetus to a different vegetable each week. We are at the cabbage stage now (which may account for the gassiness I've been feeling) so of course I'm picturing my unborn child as a cabbage patch doll. Hopefully with this one I won't leave her in the basement to collect mildew and mold. (Rachel Anne* - I'm sorry, I wasn't ready - you weren't the cabbage patch doll I was hoping for and I made you pay for that with neglect. It's not your fault you weren't born with blue eyes, or that your hair was too short, or that you started to smell.)




*Rachel Anne was not her name. I have no idea what her name was, but Rachel Anne sounds like a Cabbage Patch Doll kind of name, doesn't it?