Sunday, 29 August 2010

Tampax should hire me for their next marketing campaign

Who needs to spend money on baby toys when you have.... Tampons! Shameful parenting alert.

Usually I am able to take my shower while Eloise naps in the morning. I bring the monitor in with me and listen to Johnny Cash sing to my sleeping baby. More often then not I am even able to get myself dressed before the beast awakes (though I have had to rush into her room with soap in my hair and clumsily throw some clothes on while I entertain miss grouchy face) (and her "I've just woken up and I'm not happy about it" face is the best. I'm a baby. Waking up sucks. Love it.)

Sometimes however I am forced to take a quick shower while Eloise is plonked in her bumbo seat on the floor of the bathroom. It takes her about 5 minutes to get out of this seat, so these showers are FAST. I give her some toys to distract her from the fact that the seat she is in does not hold her captive. The Latest development is that she eschews the toys for my box of tampons. Apparently Tampax make really fun toys for babies! You can bang them together! You can slide them through toilet paper rolls! You can bang them together again!

My first instinct was to stop her from playing with them but then I thought, wtf, she might as well have a positive association with these things now before she equates them with cramps and crying and blind rage while curled up in the foetal position.

The other day I was sitting at the top of the stairs with Eloise while she used the railing to pull herself up and down and I kept saying UUUPPPP DOOOWWWN. Then she would say UHHHH DAAAAAA and I would clap. The Frenchman came home from work and as per usual Eloise got so excited when she heard his keys in the door that she flapped her arms and rushed over to me and threw her arms around me and squeezed my neck so tight because the excitement of Daddy coming home is just. too. much.

This picture has nothing to do with tampons. THANK GOD.

The Frenchman came and sat next to me at the top of the stairs and we talked about his day and our day and Eloise then shuffled away into the bathroom. I kept an eye on her while we continued to chat and then after some rustling she shuffled back from the bathroom with a bright yellow tampon in her hand and gave it to me. Very proudly. Here mom. You can have one of my new toys. There's a whole BOX of them! Thank you! I said. Then she bum shuffled back to the bathroom and retrieved another, shuffled back to us and handled it to me. Thank you! This went on five more times until finally The Frenchman piped up and said what about Daddy Eloise? J'en ai pas et Maman elle en a 5! So Eloise went back and found another tampon and brought it to her father. He said Merci! and she went back to get him another tampon.

We both started laughing as she turned to go back into the bathroom to find more Tampon toys. What kind of parents are we? Making our daughter show her fondness to her mother and father by giving them tokens of love in the form of a tampon. As Eloise was in the bathroom, back turned to us, about to reach for another tampon she started to laugh to herself. A short sharp Ha! Ha! and then found what she was looking for and came back to her parents.

Seriously. Tampons. Best toys ever.


  1. Has she learned to shoot the tampons like canons?

  2. I can definitely relate to this post! Annika hasn't started playing with tampons yet, but if I don't shower while she's sleeping, I am totally screwed! There is no way I could put her in the bumbo so she just putters around causing trouble in the bathroom while I shower. She also loves to pull the shower curtain out of the tub, so she basically gets a shower too.

    It won't always be like this, right?!