Monday, 23 March 2009

Apples and Oranges

Since I've become pregnant I've noticed that women who have previously gone through the bloody miracle of childbirth fall into two categories: Insanely Supportive or Praying It Hurts You As Much As It Hurt Them.

The Insanely Supportive group are happier for you than you are for yourself. They shed tears of joy at the news of your pregnancy (when so far the only thing that has made you cry is the fact you now own underwear the size of a small island), offer advice left, right, and center and tell you how amazing it all is, how lucky you are and what an incredible mother you will be. These are the women you want to invite in the delivery room to surround you dressed in cheerleader outfits chanting "Push it out! Push it out! Waaaaay out!". If only this were even remotely socially acceptable.

The P.I.H.Y.A.M.A.I.H.T women have clearly been scarred by their experience of becoming a mother and want to scare the literal living bejeezus out of you with their own horror stories. These are the women that when you mention your back is starting to ache they respond with: Just wait. Wait until they cut your vagina in three different places just to get your 10.5lb baby out of you and then run out of local anesthetic while they sew up the wound that has replaced your girl bits.

I wonder which of these women I will end up being...

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